my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think i have two assholes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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