Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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