Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
