I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
