At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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