I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
