We got so high we made milksteak
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
