a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you didnt know i had herpes?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
