dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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