Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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