3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
