sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize