I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
