I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
