I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
