yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
