If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
