if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
