I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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