i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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