Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
