I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
