i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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