shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
