I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We need to get me chipped asap
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
