Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
