You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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