i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
