btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How external is "for external use only"?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
