We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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