Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
