Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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