Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
