apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
