Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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