i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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