i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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