I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
