you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His nipple licking is glorious
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