I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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