Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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