Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
