He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
