I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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