Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
