hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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