I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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