Where did you get a picture of my penis
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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