just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
