i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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