I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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