and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
