I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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