Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
