Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
