I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
