He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
