I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize