I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't put those talents on a resume
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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