I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
