I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize