I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
barbara walters just said penis...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
