Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You are the jesus of drinking
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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