i just had sex bonerless
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
