You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
