We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
