i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
