how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
